Today,
I’m participating in Nick Wilford’s OvercomingAdversity Blogfest. This is in honor of his stepson who has cerebral palsy.
As
some of you know, my eldest son was born thirteen weeks premature. For ten
weeks, he lived in the NICU. And for ten exhausting hours a day, I lived there,
too. We’re all familiar with the roller-coaster ride called querying. Compared
to the highs and lows, fears and hopes that you deal with every day when you
baby is extremely sick, querying feels like walking down a road with no dips
and bumps. Crying over a rejection is nothing like crying because one of your
NICU mommy friends has just watched her baby die. It nothing like crying when a
pregnant mother (who was supposed to be a friend) goes on and on about how her
baby is kicking, five minutes after she saw you baby on a ventilator and
fighting for his life, and then berates you when you ask her nicely to keep her
excitement to herself. And it’s nothing like the crying you do because you’re
positive it’s your fault your baby is premature.
Christmas 1999
But
with the darkness comes the light. One thing NICU mothers and writers share in
common is their need to develop friendships with individuals who know about the
day-to-day struggles we deal with. We support each other and give each other
hope. We find ways to make the day brighter. One day, two of my NICU friends and I wrote a
list to help give other NICU moms and families a reason to smile, even for just
a moment. (The actual list is a lot longer
that this)
You Know You’ve
Been An NICU Mom Too Long When . . .
Your breasts takes on the shape of the
plastic breast pump shields.
You are mistaken for a nurse and can
actually help.
The residents come to you for answers.
You’re no longer modest in front of other
Moms' husbands.
You don’t hesitate to leave a dirty
diaper for a nurse you don’t like. (Yep,
we all did this one. To the same nurse.)
Do
you have friends who help you through the ups and downs of your life, and
especially though the ups and downs of being a writer? What kinds of things do
you do to keep your spirits up?
56 comments:
Oh Stina, ten weeks is a long, long time. I'm glad that story had a happy ending for you.
Is it evil to say I chuckled about the nurse and the dirty diapers?
I can't imagine how terrifying that must have been. Thank goodness for good friends!
That is a very long time. I'm sure it felt like forever, and I can't imagine how hard it was for you as a parent. Thankfully, it all turned out well!!!
My nephew was where your son was. It was a very trying time and I'm sure my sister-in-law can relate better to you.
A great support system is so important.
So glad things worked out okay. Having your kid be born premature or very ill has got to be the hardest to go through.
That was a funny list. Thanks for sharing it.
My daughter had a febile seizure about 6 weeks after we brought her home. It was scary and they made us leave when they gave her the spinal tap. Luckily it was just a high fever.
I remember you mentioning this before. Looking at that image, I still can't believe how small he was. Amazing!! Just amazing. Tough little buggers, aren't they?
Nothing is more rewarding or more heartbreaking than being a parent. You're so strong having gotten through ten weeks in NICU, and now offering words of wisdom for other mum's with premature babies. You're an inspiration.
Great entry!
Nope. Unless you put yourself into premature labor by taking some crack cocaine, it isn't your fault. (yes. we get those sometimes. *shakes head*)
I love your 'You know you've been a NICU mom too long when' list. Too funny! I've never had mom's leave me dirty diapers, so I must be doing okay. LOL
Thanks for visiting my blog. :)
I'm so glad this is a story with a happy ending (or continuation?). And don't get me started about bad nurses...the hairs on my neck are going up just thinking about it!
I bet those ten weeks felt like a lifetime!
I'm so glad this story had a happy ending and happier still you were able to make smile at the end with story about the dirty diaper because I know I'd do the same. Thank you for sharing this with us.
I'm so glad this story had a happy ending and happier still you were able to make smile at the end with story about the dirty diaper because I know I'd do the same. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Stina, very glad that your story had a happy ending. 13 weeks premature could have been risky.
I have 2 special friends who hold my hand during those down days.
Thanks for sharing your personal challenges and how you overcame them Stina. My in-laws are all in health care, and they would appreciate your diaper disposal strategy--as physicians sometimes they wish they could do that as well.
Sure had to be a long heart wrenching process, glad all ended well and haha one way to get rid of dirty diapers.
Wow! What an amazing thing to overcome! I always admire the women who through that trial and how strong they are. What an amazing example! Lovely post :)
Talk about a hurdle to overcome! Thank you for sharing this story with us and I'm so glad that all turned out well. What a great idea to share that list with other moms :)
Oh wow. What a sweet little baby. I can't even imagine. I think there are all kinds of trials in real life that puts the querying ups and downs in perspective. I went through one of those. Funny, I hadn't connected it to why this last year of querying was less hard, but after reading this post, you are right.
Anywho, to answer your question, reaching out to others going through the same thing, and writing. That's what I do consciously to get through the hard time. :)
Oh your beautiful little baby!!! Awwww Stina!! What a start in life! But yay for overcoming such odds!!
p.s. I haven't a clue what NICU stands for but they sound like a most wonderful organisation!! Take care
x
You've mentioned those difficult days before, but I didn't know how very early your son was born. That must have been incredibly frightening.
And I couldn't get by without my dear friends who support me no matter what.
I had the preemie experience as you did, as you know. It's true -- there is no depth of emotions like the ones experienced in the NICU.
As for writing, I'm truly grateful for my writer friends. Like NICU friends, there is an understanding they have to that area of my life.
Ten weeks is SUCH a long time. My daughter was in the NICU too, but nowhere near that long.
We have the same kind of newborn baby pictures, the ones with tiny little arms taped to feeding tubes. :(
Wish I could have been a friend to you during that time!
Wow you made me tear up, Stina. Wow. What a beautiful picture and as I said before I am so happy you had a HEA to your story. That makes ME so happy. What a thing to have to go through.
Ten weeks with that kind of stress and uncertainty would be miserable. I'm glad you were able to have other parents in the NICU that could understand.
I'm so glad your son made it out of the NICU and that the story had a happy ending.
I love the anecdote about leaving dirty diapers for the least-favorite nurse!
That must have been horrible. I never knew this about you! I must have been one of the only ones D: I'm so glad that you're pushing through. Life is life; querying is querying. This is an amazing reminder to remember that. Good luck :D
this story always makes me cry. So glad it had a happy ending~ :o) <3
Wow Stina, I can't even imagine. I'd feel the same way if a friend was talking about their healthy baby in front of me. I'd give them a huge helping of shut the bleep up.
But things like these always make us stronger. All those writing rejections have taught me so much about my character, and I think we've all won something because of them. I'm so glad your baby grew strong and healthy. Thank God!
Wow. You poor thing. Your first baby, too. That must have been the hardest time ever. Good for you for finding glimmers of humor where you could. You are one strong woman. Great story. I hope your son is doing well now.
Awww, what a story!
Oh my gosh, your poor baby! I'm glad he made it through the NICU. I have a friend whose baby was in the NICU for a few days, and she also spoke to how supportive the other moms were.
I'm in the query trenches and the support of my writing friends has been so helpful. :)
A great way to put things back in perspective! I'm glad to hear you're both safe and healthy now.
It's heart-warming to know that even when things look bleak, you have the support of people going through the same thing.
I spent 10 weeks in the hospital before my first child was born, so even though my baby hadn't been born yet, I know the feelings you experience.
(They discovered I had a heart condition and my body was kind of rejecting the pregnancy in the last trimester. Anything that could go wrong did and I went through every test under the sun!)
I am glad you had a happy ending!
I can't even imagine how difficult that must have been for you. Thanks for sharing your story, and I too am glad it has a happy ending!
Julie
I'm so glad your story had a happy ending. I can only imagine how heart-wrenching those ten weeks must have been. Friends and family are totally necessary to keep our spirits up, especially in difficult times.
Like the above poster, I'm so glad your story has a happy ending. My sister's baby was in NICU for about two months, and it was so hard on her. Friends make all the difference in the world during tough times~ they really do.
Thanks for sharing your inspirational story. I wasn't around when Andrew was born but he also spent his first three months and first Christmas in intensive care. The birth was extremely terrifying for my wife, who almost died. I can only imagine how she felt. Luckily Andrew thrived and grew and we're so proud of the young man he is now, as I'm sure you are! Thanks for taking part!
Wow. Look at what you guys got through. Has to make you feel like you can do anything.
What a hard thing to deal with and heartbreaking. I hope your child is well and healthy.
Thank you for sharing your amazing story. My nephew was born at 24 weeks. My brother and his wife lived at NICU for a month. They came close a couple of times to really losing him. My nephew is now happy and healthy, running around getting into mischief like any other two-year-old.
I'm glad it had a happy ending for you, Stina! My brother's first son died a month before the due date and it's something you never, ever forget. I have 6 nieces and nephews now and a godson and I get freaked when I think of anything bad happening to them. I can only imagine how it must be a million times worse for the parents.
That must've been such a rough time for you. My heart ached for you while I read your story. I'm so glad that your son is okay.
Do you keep in touch with any of the nurses? I also write news stories and once, I covered a hospital-sponsored BBQ event where NICU nurses and physicians reunited with the children they cared for and the parents they met. Some of the former babies had become young children by the time the BBQ took place, and it was heartwarming for me to see all the catching up going on among all parties.
Ten weeks? Thta's a LONG time. It must have been a tough time for you but you pulled through! That is so admirable. You are obviously a strong and brave woman.
Thanks for sharing this heart-breaking and heart-warming story. I hope your son is doing well.
My daughter wasn't born premature, but she was in NICU for 2 weeks when born because I had a dry birth. I'll never forget how horrible the one nurse made me feel because my daughter wouldn't breastfeed for me the first day. I remember going back to the room I lost because I was checked out (even though it'd been a rough birth and the doctor wanted me to stay), bleeding heavily, and crying. And then along came another nurse who helped me and made me feel like a true mom. It's awful when you don't know how to do anything/care for them when their inside those little plastic cribs even though you loved them for 10 months inside you. Hugs to you, Stina, for all you went through!!
Love the passive-aggressiveness with the diaper! I think I would have crapped in one of them just to give her a bigger mess to clean up. "That baby has some big poop."
This adversity hop shows that we all have hurdles to overcome...and by the Grace of God, we manage. Thanks for the inspiration. :o)
That must have been an incredibly difficult time. Glad this story ended well!
I love it when a story is told about something that I don't stop to think about. I am happy that everything worked out for you guys. :)
there are so many worse things than querying in life! great example to put it in perspective and very happy after that long struggle that your guy came thru! thank you for sharing this!
Wow. An experience like that really puts things in perspective, doesn't it?
Stina,
You made it through.... THANKFULLY. YOU kept your sense of humor, and in times like that it's a MUST. JUST like with querying. ONE MUST ALWAYS KEEP THEIR SENSE OF HUMOR. How else could you possibly get through the heartache.
Our journeys are going to be bumpy, but the helping hand of a loved one or friend will always be a welcome joy. We have that in our lives. Our community is their for us every step of the way. Big Brother or Sister is always watching out for us.
This must have been a horrible time for you and your family. I'm glad this story has a happy ending though.
Clearly you gained a lot of strength from this experience because you are one tough cookie :)
Oh my goodness, Stina. I can't even imagine.
Thank you for sharing this and giving us all a little more perspective. :)
I'm not a parent so I can't really imagine. But my heart flinched at the thought of your friend who lost her baby.
What a sweet pic of your little baby.
My grandson was born premature and he is now going to celebrate his second birthday in a few weeks' time. I wish I could have given your list to my son and daughter-in-law, that would have cheered them up no end when they were looking after him in the hospital. I'm so glad everything turned out fine in the end.
I can't imagine this, but I've had people tell me about their experiences with their premature babies. I'm glad there are many positive stories out there, and my heart breaks over the tragedies.
Oh my goodness! My time in the NICU was only 4 weeks. I can't even imagine 10 weeks. I can relate to the breast pump issue (grin) but then there was also a baby that died right next to the isolettes my twins were in, and it devastated me.
It was definitely the most emotional time of my life and also, oddly, very uplifting - I came out of that learning to be thankful for every small thing!
Post a Comment