Teenagers in the Mist: Part II

I hadn’t planned to blog today, but after the great comments on yesterday’s post, I wanted to add an important point.

Now, obviously yesterday's post was part humor and part truth. A number of the tips came from the social psychology, developmental psychology, and research methodology courses I took during my undergrad and graduate studies.

But as many of you pointed out, OBSERVATION of teenagers (or whatever group you’re researching) ISN'T ENOUGH. You want to spend time with them, too.

If you don’t have teenagers living with you, or nephews and nieces (Hey, at least my brother was good for something), then try VOLUNTEERING through a community program (e.g. church, library, community center, YMCA). You won’t be sorry, and maybe you can help ENRICH a teen’s life. And seriously, isn’t that what we YA writers are striving for in the first place? To REACH OUT and make a difference in a teen’s life, even if it's just a small difference.


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Teenagers in the Mist

Now that summer is upon us, it’s time to study that oft times misunderstood species: THE TEENAGER.

(Please note: I don’t consider teens to be a separate species. I just wanted to clarify that so no one (teens) take offense.)

Obviously this post is geared towards YA writers, but don’t worry, my research tactics (as used by Jane Goodall (chimpanzees) and Dian Fossey (gorillas)) are applicable to any type of character.

1. Make sure you’ve done your PRE-STUDY homework first. You can’t observe your subject without some prior understanding of their behaviour, mating rituals, group dynamics. Recommended readings include: Teen Stages--The Breakthrough, Year-by-Year Approach to Understanding Your Ever-Changing Teen by Elizabeth & Ken Mellor (and yes, somehow they fit that on the cover--barely) and Dr. Karyn's Guide To The Teen Years by Dr. Karyn Gordon. I strongly recommend the first book for the purpose of writing a YA novel. The added bonus is it's a quick read. The second one has some great example of parents to use if you want to create a dysfunctional family in your novel.

2. All good researchers TAKE NOTES. The trick is not to look obvious about it. And DO NOT take photos or videos without permission. That’s just too creepy, and will likely get you arrested, especially if you’re a guy photographing teenage girls. Seriously, don’t do it.

3. Determine the age group you want to study. A thirteen-year-old girl is at a different developmental stage than a seventeen-year-old female. This is where doing your pre-studying, first, helps.

4. Go to their natural environment where they HANG OUT. This isn’t too hard to figure out. At this time of the year, they’re everywhere.

5. Keep your distance at first. You don’t want to freak them out, right? Observe how they interact with their friends. Fortunately, the more friends they’re with, the louder they get. This is extremely helpful when you are spying observing from a distance.

6. Once you’ve GAINED THEIR TRUST (and they don’t look like they’re going to charge at you in an aggressive manner), approach with caution. Dian Fossey had a brilliant technique for this: don’t make eye contact. By keeping your head cocked to the side, and examining that uber-cool top you just discovered, you can approach without setting off any alarms. If the teen makes an indication SHE’s going to bolt, then STAY STILL, and continue to observe on the sly. If HE looks like he’s going to charge, then BACK AWAY slowly while still avoiding eye contact.

7. Listen to what the teens say and how they say it. STUDY their non-verbal gestures. Especially study their non-verbal gestures within their species (BFF, boyfriend, etc) and with individuals of other species (parents). They are especially skilled at looking bored while spending quality time with their family being dragged around by their parents.

8. Go to the places where your main character would hang out. For example, if your character is into Goth, then chances are good she doesn’t hang out in a ballet studio. THOUGH it would be super cool if she did.

9. All good researchers know you have to be careful about GENERALIZATIONS. Teens are individuals. What one teen does is not necessarily applicable to all teens. The more teens you study, the better off you’ll be.

I hope that helps you in your quest to write authentic teens and their dialogue in your YA novel. And don’t forget to study—in addition to studying teens in their natural habitats—their books, TV shows, movies, etc. You’ll gain a wealth of info that way.

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Abusing Those Poor Idioms

Last week, I posted about using foreign-language slangs in your novel. Angela left a comment that had me thinking:

I have an Australian character in my novel, and I had to watch that I didn't overuse the term "mate." I watched video clips/movies to get an idea of how often they actually said "mate" and was surprised that from what I could see...it was quite often!

Last year, I critted a novel in which the author abused ‘eh’. One of characters was a Canadian expatriate, and the author assumed, like most non-Canadians, that we use ‘eh’ in every sentence.

We don’t

Not even close.

Unless, maybe, you’re from the east coast.

So why did she do it? Because she had heard Canadians say ‘eh.’ A lot.

The problem is Canadians love to make fun of that stereotype. It’s in our sitcoms and movies (comedies) that we know the Americans are going to watch. In the ten plus years I’ve known my husband, I’ve never heard him say, “Eh.” Occasionally, I might catch one of my friends saying it, but it really isn’t that often.

The best thing to do is ask a native of the country you’re portraying to find out what it true. The use of an idiom or utterance may vary according to location, or even according to demographics. And even if they say it often, still don’t abuse it in your novel. It’ll become annoying. It’s the same as ‘totally’ and ‘like’. Listen to teens. They say them all the time. But we all know you should never overuse those two words in your teen novel, right?

Those Tricky Little Idioms

As I pointed out yesterday, one of the things I loved about Perfect Chemistry and Rules of Attraction is how Simone Elkeles used Mexican slangs in the dialogue and inner thoughts.

Because my main character’s best friend is Mexican, I decided to do the same thing as Simone, but not quite to the same degree. For starters, the Spanish used in Perfect Chemistry was predominantly swearing, words that would leave your grandmother blushing, or terms of endearment. Instead, I decided to use only a few words and phrases. Plus, the best friend is only in a handful of scenes.

When you use foreign slangs, you have to be careful. You can’t take a dictionary and translate your English phrase word for word into the other language. You might be creating a sentence that means something different to what you intended. And the results might be very embarrassing.

My two youngest kids are in a Spanish bilingual program at school. I asked my daughter’s kindergartner teacher about some of the phrases I used, to make sure they were correct. One I especially wanted to know was ‘Está muy caliente’, which in English translates to ‘he’s very hot’. Or does it?

My daughter’s teacher said I could use the term, so I was surprised when I read the following in Rules of Attraction by Simone Elkeles:

She flashes me a sexy smile and leans closer. “Estás muy caliente.” I think she just called me hot. That’s not the way we say it in Meh-hee-co, but I get the idea.

Whoa, I thought. Then what does it mean? I spent the next hour, online, pouring through idioms to find out what it meant in Mexico. Okay, so here’s the part where I used the phrase in my novel. The italicized phrase is the proper translation of it

“You should definitely give Aaron a chance. He’s cute. Very horny.” She started counting his attributes on her fingers.

Yep, you can stop laughing now. That’s definitely not what my character wanted to say.

So, when you want to add foreign slangs in your story, make sure you check out a foreign slang dictionary specific to the country your character is from. Remember, idioms used in England can be very different to those used in Canada or the US. The same is true for Spanish idioms spoken in Mexico compared to those spoken in Spain. Also, any time you use a foreign language in your story (whether it’s a word or a phrase), it’s italicized.

Has anyone else used foreign slangs in their stories? Hopefully you didn’t make the same mistake as me.

Doing the Impossible

Sitting in the chair, Anja walked over to the window.

Dear friends, has your character ever done two things at once that were impossible? Did you even realizing you were making this common mistake? Not to worry, I’m here to set you straight.

The –ing construction is a beautiful thing. It enables us to vary our sentences. That’s a good thing, right? But it’s important to know how to use them probably. Misuse them, and your writing will be weak.

Now sure, the above example could happen . . . if you’re Mr. Bean or tied to the chair, I guess. But I can guarantee the guy who wrote this didn’t mean for it to come off the way it sounded. So always ask yourself, can my character physically do both the actions at the same time? Maybe it would be better if your character did action one first then the second one.

Instead of: Rummaging through my beach bag, I pulled out my book. (I critted a similar sentence once. It requires one hand to rummage while the other pulls out the book.)

Rewrite it: I rummaged through my beach bag, and pulled out my book.

In the above sentence, you can add the comma to give the sense of pausing the sentence while the character rummages through the bag (stylistic use of the comma), or you can skip on it.

The other thing to remember is to make the dependent clause the least important action of the two.

Staring at him, I tried to make sense of his words.

Trying to make sense of his words, I stared at him.

By switching the two actions around, it changes the emphasis of the sentence. The same thing is true if you use ‘as’ instead of the ‘-ing’ contruction.

As I stared at him, I tried to make sense of his words.

Also, don’t forget to set off you dependent clause with a comma.

Incorrect: I stared at him trying to make sense of his words.

Correct: I stared at him, trying to make sense of his words.

If you don’t add the comma, then the –ing verb will be describing the noun before it and not the subject of the sentence. For example:

Several ducks swam near the bull rushes waving in the warm breeze.

The bull rushes are waving, not the ducks.

And finally, make sure you don’t overuse the –ing construction. A little salt is good for flavoring. Too much will lead to hypertension (high blood pressure). And trust me, that’s not a good thing.

Those Pesky Commas

Are you, dear friend, frustrated with those pesky commas like me? Has one of your crit partners added or removed a bunch of commas, only for another person to switch half of them back again?

Well, dear friend, I’ve got the post for you. I’ve consulted The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Grammar and Style (idiot, that’s me!) and Noah Lukeman’s A Dash of Style to bring you the answers you seek. So grab your beverage of choice (mine being Diet Coke) and some chocolate (believe me, you’re going to need it), and let’s get started.

1. Use a comma after an introductory expression or before a concluding one. What’s an expression? Well, it can be a:

• Prepositional phrase:

Before I could react, Liam jammed his tall footballer body between me and Aaron, forcing Aaron off my towel.

• Participial phrase:

Dressed in swim trunks, he was looking at me with unsettled eyes, his mouth set in a bleak line.

• Dependent clause:

Contrary to Alejandra’s hints, dating was definitely not part of my plans for the summer.

2. Use a comma to set off words and expressions that otherwise interrupt the sentence.

Ryan suspected it was at the very least sprained, and reminded me, once again, to have it checked out by a physician.

3. When your character is talking to someone, and they use the individual’s name, separate the name from the rest of the words in the sentence with a comma.

“Calleigh, you did mention it, didn't you?”

4. Words that give additional info about the noun should be separated by a comma.

The Evil Trio plus one, all wearing bikini tops, miniskirts, and doused in an overly sweet perfume, approached us on their way to the mall entrance, and not so subtly checked Aaron out.

5. Commas are used to separate words in a series. That’s an easy one, right?

I could feel everyone watching me, waiting, analyzing my hesitation.

6. Do you have a clause that can be deleted without changing the sentence’s meaning? Then separate it from the rest of the sentence with our friend the comma. If you delete the clause and the meaning of the sentence changes, then please skip on those commas.

Only Erik was wearing eye makeup, but unlike Taylor, who had a ring through his lower lip and a ring and stud above his right eyebrow, Erik had no facial piercings.

7. Is your sentence complex? Commas will help keep it from being confusing. Confuse the agent or editor, and it’s rejection ville for you, my friend. Remember to use commas before coordinating conjunctions (and, but, or, nor, for, so, and yet).

8. In dialogue, use a comma to separate ‘said’ from a gerund or when describing the voice. Also, study the punctuation in these two dialogue. I’ve seen some wacky uses of the comma and period when a writer has written dialogue with a tag.

“You know, I really am a good listener,” he said, unfolding himself to his full height, “if you just give me the chance.”

“Well, I’ll keep that I’m mind next time I experience an urge to attend confession,” I said, my tone still terse.

Yes, the comma is a beautiful thing. What? You don’t believe me yet? Well, here’s some wonderful things it can do for you. Thanks, Mr. Lukeman, for enlightening us.

1. The comma can link short sentences together to form a longer one. This enables variation in your sentence lengths. Pretty cool, huh?

2. It helps your reader from getting confused. We’ve all read those sentences in the works we critted or beta read in which you’re left scratching your head, unsure what the writer really meant.

Read these two sentences out loud:

When I woke up my pillow was damp from tears.

When I woke up, my pillow was damp from tears.

3. It allows your reader a chance to breathe (even if she’s reading it in her head). This is why reading your manuscript out loud is a great idea. Did you write a long sentence that leaves you gasping for air? Time to add some commas. However, if your character is suffering from out of control thoughts, skipping on the commas is a perfect way of showing this.

Standing under the steamy stream of water, I scrubbed my skin raw, desperate to remove the stench of his aftershave and everything else about him off me.

Standing under the steamy stream of water I scrubbed my skin raw desperate to remove the stench of his aftershave and everything else about him off me.

4. A comma shows the passage of time. I love this one.

Kevin poured some orange paint into the pan, and handed it to Shaelyn.

This sentence pauses for a moment while Kevin pours the paint into the container, and then resumes again once he’s ready to hand it to Shaelyn.

5. The brilliant comma allows you to cut out words. Of course, if you’re writing a 250,000-word epic fantasy, you might want to avoid this use of the comma.

I whirled round in time to see a man emerge from the trees, his features obscured in the shadows.

Without the comma, the sentence would be rewritten like this:

I whirled round in time to see a man emerge from the trees. His features were obscured in the shadows.

Now there one more thing I want to add. Unlike the other forms of punctuation—you know, the period, colon, semi-colon, etc—the comma is a flexible friend (apparently he took gymnastics as a kid). Which means you have a lots of options as to how to use it stylistically (at least according to Mr. Lukeman). And what does that mean? Well, like everything else in publishing . . . it’s all very subjective. Grrr!

Responsibilities of the YA Writer

As some of you know, I’m currently enrolled in two writer’s workshops through Writer’s Digest. For one of my recent assignments, I had to submit 1,000 words from my novel in which I had complicated my main character’s path to achieving her goal.

The excerpt I chose involved my main character, Calleigh, who was desperately searching for her friend and potential love interest, Aaron. He was planning to show up at the Fourth of July party on the beach but never did. Calleigh becomes worried for good reason. The excerpt begins with Calleigh finding him in the forest alone and unconscious. Beside him is an empty bottle of whiskey. Her cell phone battery went dead (of course) while she was looking for him. It’s a forty-five minute drive to the nearby town. And this is a forest, which means, you know, hungry animals like black bears and cougars might be searching for their next meal.

Because it’s impossible for Calleigh to drag Aaron to her car—it’s a long hike—she has only two choices: stay with him or drive back to town to get help. If she leaves, he could stop breathing and die. She decides to stay. The added bonus is that she used to be a lifeguard so she knows CPR. Also, it’s a popular hiking spot, so someone will show up the next day and can help them if necessary.

My instructor had some concerns, but they weren’t a big deal because I had dealt with them before the excerpt, only she didn’t know that. The problem came when I checked out the feedback from my classmates. One wrote: I worry that this part of your book might stir up some flack w/parents re: Calleigh not seeking help in a potentially deadly situation.

Now my first, second, and third response was great! Bring it on. One of the reasons I wrote Lost in a Heartbeat was to generate discussion among teenage girls, and hopefully reach out to someone who’s suffering through something similar to what Calleigh went through. If parents get upset about aspects of the story, such as the scene dealing with alcohol poisoning, then that’s a good thing. Maybe that will lead to a discussion within the family and school setting about the warnings signs of alcohol poisoning and what to do if you suspect it. Too many students have died because no one helped them when they passed out at a party. No one checked to make sure they were okay.

So here’s my question for you: Should writers of YA novels write stories that avoid upsetting parents, even if it means missing the chance of helping just one teen going through the same issue as our character? Or should we write realistic stories that deal with issues that are important to teens regardless of how some parents might react?

Now for some contest news. In case you haven't heard, and I'm sure every blogging writer in the blogosphere has, Sarah Wylie is having a contest to celebrate the sale of her novel. And the prizes are awesome. *runs off to enter*.

I = my character squared

I know, the title sounds like some weird Einstein formula. But what it really means is using aspects of yourself in creating your character. I’m not talking about the character being you (unless you’re writing your memoir). Instead, I’m referring to borrowing from your interests, your sense of humor, your life experiences. And maybe it isn’t your main character who benefits from those elements of your greatness. Maybe it’s the best friend or—gasp—your antagonist.

For example, I love photography (as if you didn’t already know). In Lost in a Heartbeat (my wip), Calleigh’s best friend is a photographer. I was able to use what I know about photography in a number of scenes, but I wrote them through Calleigh’s eyes (pov). Although Calleigh isn’t a photographer, her best friend has explained in the past how she’s achieved some of her awesome shots. So instead of having Calleigh explain a picture in overly technical terms, she describes it in a way that’s realistic for her. This is important to remember for when your characters share your interests. Will they know as much as you do? If your character is taking a class for beginners, she isn’t going to be talking or performing like she’s been doing the activity for years. Right?

My question for you: Have you done the same thing? Taken your expertise (for example, baking cookies or playing an instrument) and shared it with a character from your story.

Oh, and check out Susan Field's blog for a chance to win a gift card to buy what every writer loves--books. And we can never get enough books. Right?

Cool Links Friday

There were so many great blog posts this week, but here are some of my favorites. Enjoy.

Writing YA and want to make your kisses smoocherific? Kristin Otts has some great advice. Warning: Have your significant other nearby in case the urge to kiss him (her) strikes. Trust me on that.

Emilia Plater (YA Highway) points out the the five protagonists you meet in YA. A definite must read.

And don’t forget your antagonist. Kelly Lyman has some great advice to keep yours from becoming a cardboard villain.

Is your shiny manuscript now ready for the world? Is it free of the 15 things that frustrate readers? Then check out Tahereh Mafia’s hilarious post, What Janet Reid is Really Thinking. If you’re not following Tahereh . . . well, you seriously should be.

Now that you’ve written that fab query based on Tahereh’s superb advice, pop on over to visit Weronika Janczuk and learn how to email it to your dream agent. You’ll be glad you did.

And while you’re at it, be sure to check out the Blood Red Pencil to get your pitch ready in case you happen upon an agent in Starbucks. It could happen, right?

Spring break starts today, so my family and I are flying south. Just not as far south as they would like—as in Mexico. So I’ll be going unplugged today and next week. I’ll see you when I get back.

Have a great week!

Leaping Back in Time (part 2)

Yesterday, I discussed the use of flashbacks to help convey emotion in a scene. Today, I’m going to discuss verb tense in a flashback.

Many novice writers use the past perfect tense (if the novel is in past tense) or past tense (novel is in present tense) though the whole flashback. Here’s an example from my novel, Lost in a Heartbeat, which shows how not to write the flashback and then how to. I’ve highlighted the past perfect verb so it’s easy to see the difference. (Hint: you don't have to read far to get my point. Save yourself the time. You can just eyeball the difference.)

At his touch, common sense bailed on me. His lips were warm and inviting. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized how much I wanted to kiss him, that undeniable pull. I returned his kiss, tasting his sweet, minty breath, not wanting the moment to end. But the memory of another came back to haunt me.

I had been in the car of the guy from last summer. He’d promised to drive me home since I had been feeling really weird. I had closed my eyes so the world would stop spinning, and had told him where I lived. The words had sounded strange, slurred and weary. I hadn’t been even sure he had heard me over the rock music booming through the enclosed space.


The car had eventually stopped and the engine had been turned off. But instead of familiar houses, darkness and trees had surrounded us. Beyond that I had been unable to see anything that would tell me where we were. I had wanted to ask him, but I had felt too out of it to string the words together.


The guy had leaned forward and kissed me. It had started out sweet. His lips brushing against mine. But as seconds had passed, it became insistent and punishing. I had wanted to push him away, to tell him to stop, but I had been unable to. My arms had lacked the strength to do anything but hang lifelessly at my sides.
He had continued to kiss me, his hand trailing up my inner thigh, past the hem of my skirt, and pausing for a breath at the junction where underwear had met thigh.

With tears streaming down my face, I pushed myself free, shoving him as hard as I could, and scrambled away.


“Shit! Calleigh, I’m sorry.”


A hand grabbed my left arm. I screamed and yanked my arm away then slugged my attacker in the face with the heel of my right hand like I’d seen on TV.


My wrist shrieked in pain.


Groaning loudly, the guy staggered back a step, his hand automatically going to his eye. It was then that I realized it was Aaron, not the guy from that night.

Whew! That was exhausting adding all those extra hads. Now, if you're writing that epic 200,000 + word novel, then go ahead and use as many hads as you want. Every extra word counts, right? And if you managed to read all of that, I commend you. I couldn't do it.

Okay for the rest of us, here's the correct way:

At his touch, common sense bailed on me. His lips were warm and inviting. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized how much I wanted to kiss him, that undeniable pull. I returned his kiss, tasting his sweet, minty breath, not wanting the moment to end. But the memory of another came back to haunt me.


I was in the car of the guy from last summer. He’d promised to drive me home since I was feeling really weird. I closed my eyes so the world would stop spinning, and told him where I lived. The words sounded strange, slurred and weary. I wasn’t even sure he heard me over the rock music booming through the enclosed space.


The car eventually stopped and the engine was turned off. But instead of familiar houses, darkness and trees surrounded us. Beyond that I couldn’t see anything that would tell me where we were. I wanted to ask him, but I felt too out of it to string the words together.


The guy leaned forward and kissed me. It started out sweet. His lips brushing against mine. But as seconds passed, it became insistent and punishing. I wanted to push him away, to tell him to stop, but I couldn’t. My arms lacked the strength to do anything but hang lifelessly at my sides.


He continued to kiss me, his hand trailing up my inner thigh, past the hem of my skirt, and pausing for a breath at the junction where underwear met thigh.


With tears streaming down my face, I pushed myself free, shoving him as hard as I could, and scrambled away. . . .

See the difference? The second example allows you to be in the moment. It flows better. The first one is awkward. All you need to do is add one perfect past tense verb (had) at the beginning and at end of the flashback to show the transition in and out. If your novel is in present tense, then use past tense once when you’re starting and once when you’re about to jump back to the present.

You might have noticed I didn’t signal when the flashback ended. The sentence “With tears streaming down my face . . . .” is in the present moment, but Calleigh doesn’t realize it at that point. She and the reader realize her mistake after she reacts and hits Aaron. I didn’t transition with the change in verb tense because it’s obvious the flashback is over.

So there you go. A mini lesson on writing flashbacks. Do them correctly, and it’ll make a huge difference in your writing. The best thing to do is study how your favorite authors write them. You’ll learn a lot by doing that.

Leaping Back in Time (part 1)

To help the reader connect with your characters, you need to show the characters’ emotions. Flashbacks are a good way to enhance emotion in a scene. Instead of telling why the character feels this way, you show it based on events that happened in the past. However, before you add a flashback to a scene, there’re some important points you need to know.

1. Stories move forward, right? But flashbacks move back in time. Using a flashback can slow the pace of your story and can leave your readers frustrated. They just want to keep reading the immediate action, not be forced to jump back and forth.

2. Make sure your flashback is there for a good reason. Don’t include it just for the sake of having one.

3. Only include the most relevant information. Don’t go off on some other tangent because you think it sounds cool. Get in and out as quickly as possible.

4. Avoid using them in your first chapter.


Types of flashbacks:

1. Narration: This is the sentence or short paragraph that tells you about an event in a character’s past. You’re quickly in and out of the flashback before the story has a chance to stop.

2. Scene within a scene: This flashback includes action and dialogue—like a regular scene. You’re there with the character, living her emotions at that moment, so when she steps back into the present, her emotions there take on a more vivid feel.

3. A combination of the two.

Another point you need to consider is how you’re going to transition in and out of the flashback. You want to avoid jumping up and down, screaming, “Flashback starts here!” Jessica Morrell has some great advice and examples in, Writing Between the Lines. Remember, you’ll need something significant to trigger the memory, but avoid this mistake:

Seeing the apple, Brianna remembered back to the time when she was three years old and visited her aunt on the set of Days of Our Lives.

If every time Brianna sees an apple and remembers that day, then I suggest she gets therapy. Then find something unique as a trigger. Oh and a hint, that was a lousy transition.

Okay, that’s enough to absorb for one day. The rest of the lesson will be posted tomorrow.

Showing Your True Emotions

Once a month, the Authoress holds a Secret Agent contest on her blog, Miss Snark’s First Victim. Writers send her the first 250-words of their completed novel, and an agent and other writers critique it.

A number of reasons exist why entries might not leave the critters wanting to read more. One deals with the reader being unable to connect with the main character. We don’t feel what she’s feeling because she’s not feeling anything. Her boyfriend dies. Not a tear is shed. Zombies attack. There’s no flight or fight response. Definitely not good.

Several things to keep in mind when writing emotions:

1. Show don’t tell. Okay, you’ve heard this before, but it’s so true. Show us the tears instead of telling us your character is sad. A great resource is the emotional thesaurus on the blog, The Bookshelf Muse.


2. If your character says, “I’m so sad today,” that’s the same thing as telling.


3. Forget about adverbs. “I’m fine,” she said sadly. That’s still telling.


4. Let your character go through a range of emotions in the scene. She might start off mildly irritated by something at the beginning and be angry by the end.


5. Tried to avoid the same old clichés. That’s where The Bookshelf Muse is extremely helpful. And make sure you vary the body parts that respond. In other words, the heart isn’t the only organ that reacts when we’re scared. I’ve blogged about this before.


6. Make sure your character’s emotions are appropriate to the situation. Unless your character is a hand model on a Revlon photo shoot, she’s not going to respond to a broken fingernail the same way as if her BFF died. Right?


7. Pay attention to the verbs you use. A character who storms off the football field is experiencing a different emotion to one who is limping or sauntering off the field.

Does anyone have any other suggestions? Do you find emotions hard to write in a scene? If so, I hope this helps.

Clichés, Subtext, POV, Oh my!

I’ve almost finished week #2 of my YA writer’s workshop, so I thought I’d share with you some of the stuff I’ve learned so far. I’ll admit most of what I’ve studied isn’t new to me. I’ve already read a zabillion books on writing. But sometimes it’s nice to get a little reminder or two of the important stuff to pay attention to.

For obvious reasons, I’m not going to print off the lecture notes. I will, though, share a few things I’ve noticed while critting my classmates’ assignments, plus include some important stuff covered in the course. Last week the focus was on POV. This week it’s dialogue.

1. What your character doesn’t say is as important as what they do say. This is known as subtext, and a whole chapter is dedicated to the topic in one of my favorite books on writing: Getting Into Character by Brandilyn Collins.

2. Make sure you know proper dialogue mechanics . . . unless you want an agent to reject your novel based on the first page. There’re a lot of books on writing dialogue, and they all cover this important topic. Please don’t fudge it. These are the rules you can’t ignore.

3. Please pay attention to your character’s point of view. One of the assignments I critted had the main character jump into another character’s head. Sorry you can’t do that--unless it’s a paranormal novel. Another writer was also confused by POV. She asked me, since the main character’s mom’s name is Bonnie Tyler (not the real name), if she can alternate between Bonnie and Mrs Tyler in the narration. The answer is no. Because the POV character’s a teen, she would refer to Mrs Tyler as either ‘her mom’ or ‘Alyson’s mom’ (the novel is in third person) in the narration. There are, of course, exceptions to this.

If you find yourself struggling with POV, check out The Power of Point of View: Make Your Story Come to Life by Alicia Rasley.

4. Skip on the clichéd characters. Slush piles are already loaded with tons of them. I critted one assignment in which the secondary character was the geeky team manager of the high school basketball team. And guess what? He was bullied by the jocks. Yawn. Not. Original. Fortunately, there are ways for writer to improve the characterization and strengthen the story.

In case you’re wondering, no I haven’t made any of these mistakes. Have I received tons of feedback to make my novel better? Uh . . . well . . . no. From my classmates’ perspective, I handed in another kick-ass assignment. My instructor’s comments made me realize the drawbacks to the course. She doesn’t know what happened in the preceding chapters, so what she perceives might be a problem, isn’t. There are things at stake in the scene. My main character does have a motive. And both the characters have opposing scene objectives (okay, the instructor didn’t bring up this point, but it's in my favorite book on writing).

Regardless of these drawbacks, I’m happy with the feedback in the workshop. And at least I know my teen dialogue is authentic. Believe me, that’s a huge deal. Plus I'm editing those excerpt of my novel like crazy, and focusing on my "issue." That in itself is worth it.

I hope that helps. Next week’s lesson is on writing YA emotions. And we know what a roller coaster ride that can be.

Striving To Be Better

As writers, we do everything we can to hone our craft. Our libraries are filled with books on writing. We tear our novels apart during the editing process, and submit our words (and egos) to be torn apart by our writer friends. We enter contests. We post our pages on forums such as Verlakay and Absolute Write. Everything to give us that edge, to get better.

But sometimes that’s not enough.

I recently landed a request from an agent for my novel. I was excited, of course. But I was also realistic. Fortunately I queried an agent who *gasp* doesn’t reply with a form rejection. Instead, she gave me feedback no one else had. In the past, I'd go back and fix those errors then query the next group of agents. My writing has grown a lot since my last book (according to those who’ve read both) because of this.

But this time that approach wasn’t enough.

This time I decided to take a writer’s workshop. That’s the only way my writing can really improve.

So I did the research and found two Writer’s Digest workshops I wanted to take. I couldn’t make up my mind, so I registered for them both. The one on writing a YA novel has nothing to do with my problem, but heck, it looked really cool. Plus the instructor is Gloria Kempton, who has written numerous articles and books on writing, and landed six figure deal for a YA series. Nice, huh? Fortunately I already had the textbook, Writing & Selling the YA Novel by K.L. Going.

The YA course started last week, and I’ve been working hard on the assignments. The other one will start in three weeks. I’ll get tons of feedback on my novel from published authors and from my class mates. Plus I can ask about the issue the agent pointed out.

And speaking of the agent. We somehow ended up having a conversation after I thanked her for her feedback. I mentioned I was going to take a workshop through Writer’s Digest and asked her if I could requery her afterwards (once I fix the problem). Normally I wouldn’t do that, but she’d been so supportive and encouraging about my novel. She was the one who told me not to give up it and to work on honing my craft some more. She was the one who inspired me to do whatever was necessary to become a better writer.

Her answer was yes!

So my question for you is: What steps have you taken to become a better writer? Remember, everything we do counts.

Update: I got back the comments on my first assignment which was based on a scene from my novel. I kicked some heavy duty butt on it. Yay!

Which Comes First? The Character or The Plot

Some writers live to outline. They shudder at the thought of writing without the scaffolding. That would be, gasp, deadly.


Other writers love to live dangerously and write by the seat of their pants.


Each method works. And each comes with pros and cons. I’m curious though. How many writers come up with a detailed plot first, and how many focus on characterization before anything else?


For me, I’ll have an idea for a book and jot down notes. Maybe even the logline. I’ll then work on the characterization for the main characters (the protagonist and the key secondary characters). I have an extensive questionnaire, but I also work through a personalizing exercise described in Getting into Character: Seven Secrets A Novelist Can Learn From Actors by Brandilyn Collins. (Check out this post for more info)


It’s during this process that I come up with more ideas for my story. Then I organize my outline based on these. The end product might be different from what I’d first envisioned, but that’s okay. It still works with my logline and the story is way better than what I’d originally planned.

So for me, I definitely have to outline. But characterization comes mostly before plot. Of course, I still need to have some idea of the plot before I start; otherwise, the characters would be all over the place.


What about you? Do you outline? Do you figure out your characters first before the plot? Or do you just jump in and worry about your characters and plot as you write?

ps. This cool picture was created on Photoshop Elements. Now you know what I do when I'm procrastinating.

Hail to the Query Ninja

Last week I volunteered to have Elana Johnson (aka the Query Ninja) from the Query Tracker Blog do some spectacular moves on my query. I’d bought her e-book FROM THE QUERY TO THE CALL (brilliant book by the way, especially with the examples) and wanted to take her up on her offer to crit the query.

This is the before version:

Ten months ago, Calleigh Clarkson was a star on the high school swim team. But after a fan assaulted her, she quit swimming. Unwilling to tell anyone the truth, she buried herself in her studies. Now it’s summer vacation. She wants to be the fun-loving girl she once was, the one her friends miss.

Great plan, except her nightmares are growing more intense and frequent. And now she’s experiencing flashbacks. So not part of the plan. Calleigh’s determined to deal with them on her own, before anyone figures out something’s wrong. Fail that, and her mom will drag her to a shrink. And that’s the last thing Calleigh wants.

Then she meets Aaron. He’s a former competitive swimmer, haunted by a secret. As a romance develops between them, Calleigh discovers Aaron’s sister committed suicide. She realizes that for them to heal, they both need to return to the sport they love. But before she can do that, Calleigh has to push past her fear, and find the courage to swim again. Only someone doesn’t want that to happen.

LOST IN A HEARTBEAT is a 76,000-word young adult contemporary novel, which will appeal to readers who enjoy books by Sarah Dessen and Sarah Ockler.

I’m not going to rehash her comments here, but do check them out on the QT blog. You can learn tons from them.

I love her examples in her e-book, and really wanted to make mine sparkle just as much. So after much thought—and rewriting—I came up with the following:

Seventeen-year-old Calleigh has a plan for summer vacation, and it totally doesn’t include burying herself under the truth of what happened ten months ago. Once a star on her high school swim team, Calleigh quit when a fan assaulted her. Now she wants to be the fun-loving girl she once was. The one her friends miss. Great plan, right? Too bad her nightmares are growing more intense and frequent, and now she’s experiencing flashbacks. So not part of the plan.

To top it off, her best friend’s seriously hinted this’ll be their summer for romance and guys. And gasp, she’s even lined up a guy for Calleigh. As a romance develops between Calleigh and Aaron, he tries to help her deal with the disturbing dreams while also trying to convince her to start swimming again. And geez, is he ever persistent. But when Calleigh discovers his sister committed suicide, she realizes that for them to heal, they so need to return to competitive swimming. Only thing is, Calleigh and Aaron’s sister are linked in a way she could never have imagined—a connection that could be deadly for Calleigh.

LOST IN A HEARTBEAT is a 76,000-word young adult contemporary novel. It will appeal to readers who enjoy the character-based stories of Sarah Dessen and Sarah Ockler, and also to those who love the romance and danger in PERFECT CHEMISTRY and the VAMPIRE ACADEMY series.

See the difference? As you can tell, voice played a big part in it. Plus the ending is way better. That part was driving me crazy. Elana’s book really helped me there. (There’s my not so subtle hint that you need to check out the book if you’re planning to write a query soon).

The best part is I’ve modified the query slightly (I don’t want the reader to know about Aaron’s sister just yet) and turned it into a blurb for the novel. That and the first three pages can be found under the tab MY BOOKS at the top this blog.

Thanks Elana for your help!

PS. my new query landed me my first request yesterday. Okay it helped that I did major rewrites on my voice in the novel, but Elana made sure it came out in my query.

Body Part Workout

Two weeks ago, Kate Testerman (agent) posted on her blog about smirk and other words to avoid. Now the problem wasn’t so much the words, but how often they might show up in a manuscript. For example, I read one popular YA paranormal novel in which the main character or one of her friends rolled their eyes for a grand—and painful—total of between 100-200 times. Sometimes eye rolling occurred twice on the same page. Fortunately, for the next book in the series, the author found some other gesture to overuse.

It was really Jodi Meadow’s comment that got me thinking. She mentioned that some writers get obsessed with a particular action—say breathing—and use it way too many times in order to demonstrate emotion. Gulp. Guilty as charged. Since I have a background in physiology, especially cardiology, and spent eight years prompting cardiovascular drugs and ones for asthma, I have a bad habit of relying on anything to do with breathing and the heart when describing emotions.

After reading Jodi’s comments, I used the FIND function in Word to see how many times I’d abused the terms. I’m not going to tell you the exact numbers, but it was way beyond embarrassing. I then highlighted them using a different color for each body system I used. Determined to cut the number to something I could count on one hand (and I mean major cutting), I systemically went through the pages. Anything I thought was important, I kept. Anything I knew wasn’t a big deal was either cut or rewritten. I did this several times till I was able to negotiate my way down to my goal. And the best thing is, my writing’s much stronger for it.

So give it a try. Is there some word or phrase you think you might be abusing? Do what I did. You’ll be shocked at how many times you can remove the offending item and not even miss it. I promise.

Note: dramatization of Lost in a Heartbeat was brought to you by Wordle.

Voice Envy

Not long ago, I started sending out queries for Lost in a Heartbeat. I didn’t expect a lot of agents to jump on it since it deals with a tough issue. It really isn’t for everyone. Fortunately, among the form rejections were two personalized ones. The agents liked the concept (yay!), but my voice was an issue. Groan.

I also entered last month's Miss Snark’s First Victim Secret Agent Contest (see her blog for more info on future ones). The Secret Agent was intrigued with my first 250 words, but thought the voice was bland. Talk about a left hook to the ego. Luckily, one of my brilliant crit partners had also read the entries. She told me the ones that grabbed her attention were the ones written in a chick lit voice. She was envious because that wasn’t her natural voice—it was mine.

Now the thing is, I'm jealous of her voice. I also love the voices of Sarah Dessen, Alyson Noel, Lisa McMann, and Richelle Mead. The trouble is I love their voices so much I lost sight of my own. It wasn’t like I was trying to emulate them. Now that would have been a huge disaster. But my Voice Envy had seriously hurt me.

Finding your voice is tricky, especially when you’re a new writer. It’s so easy to want to write like someone else. But even when you’ve established your voice, it so easy to let Voice Envy sway you. Sometimes it works. And sometimes the results are disastrous—as I’ve proven.

For more information on finding your voice, check out the blogs of Mary Kole (agent with Andrea Brown Literary Agency), Elana Johnson (contributor of the Query Tracker Blog), and Christine Fonseca for their brilliant insight.

Has anyone else struggled to find and keep their voice? Or is there an author whose voice you envy? Just beware of that nasty old Voice Envy. You never know when it might strike.

So I’ve learned my lesson. I’m now storing my voice in a safe place so I don’t lose it next time. Somewhere safe from Voice Envy.

The Link Between Writing and Photography

Yesterday, Carolyn Kaufman (Query Tracker Blog) posted a great article on what writer’s could learn from photographers. Naturally, I started to think about other connections between the two disciplines.

Stories have themes. It’s the unifying thread that ties everything together. Great pictures have themes, too. Like in stories, sometimes they’re obvious, and sometimes they’re not. If you haven't already, figure out what theme you're going for when you take pictures. It doesn't have to be complex. Maybe just a word like friendship. And definitely make sure your stories have a theme.

And what about detail? I love doing close up photography. It’s the attention to detail that gets me excited. For example, in the above shot, I zoomed close to the plant so the only thing you see are the leaves and the rain drops. Those are the important details. Not the ground or my home. It’s the interaction between the two that'll stick in your mind. Same thing with writing. By focusing on the important details, relating to the setting or character, a more vivid image is painted in the reader’s mind. Specific is easily remembered. General is quickly forgotten. But like in the plant picture, keep the number of details presented at a time to a minimum so not to overwhelm your reader.

And then there’s perspective. Remember how changing the angle from which you take a photo gives you a completely different picture. Same deal with fiction. Maybe your story could be told from a different point of view than from what you’d originally envisioned. For example, Cinderella is told from her point of view. But what if you retold the story from the fairy godmother’s point of view? Or better yet, the fairy godmother’s really a teenage girl attending the Academy of Fairy Godmothers, and Cinderella’s her first class project. The story would be very different, right?

So there you go, some more things to dwell on as to how you can make your pictures and writing even better. And thanks, Carolyn, for inspiring this post.

Stay tune for tomorrow’s topic. I’ll be discussing that dreaded condition that writers fear—Voice Envy.

Mission Objectives

Okay, quick question. In each scene of your short story or novel, can you tell me the objective for each of your characters? In other words, what are they planning to do?

For example, say you have a scene that takes place in a math class. Better yet, social studies. That class always put me to sleep. Your teacher’s objective might be to get through the class without any trouble from the known gang member who actually decided to show up that day. Your main character and her best friend’s objective might be to continue the conversation they started before the bell, without getting caught. And the known gang member? He has a thing for your main character and is trying to get a rise out of her, especially since she’s pretending he doesn’t exist.

Now that you know each of the characters’ objectives for the scene, you’ll be able to write dialogue and action that keeps readers glued to the page. Plus you can make sure some of your character’s objective clash (like the main character and that hot gang member) so the scene is dripping with conflict.

Obviously this is perfect for those of us who write outlines first. But don’t worry if you don’t. You can always go back after writing your first draft, and figure it out before moving onto your next one.

For more information (and there’s a whole chapters worth), be sure to check out Getting Into Character: Seven Secrets A Novelist Can Learn From Actors. I told you last week this is an awesome book.